My Heart

I gave it to some people with the expectations of them not breaking it. At least let me know if you don't want it. It's been patched a few times too many for my liking. But here is what I have left. I have a piece that will make you my number two, because God is my number one. Here is a piece to let you know that I will support you in your hopes and dreams. Here is piece to love you, to care for you, and to be there for you. Oh, I found another piece, this piece is barely hanging on. It's trust. I realize that I can't be bitter from a past hurt, nor can I blame you for that. So here is that piece. But I want you to know that this little piece has so much power. Oops, I found another piece that was connected to trust. Communication. I found out a long time ago that no communication equals no relationship. There is a little hole right here. This hole is the piece I had to let go. I heard that there are people out there who have holes in their heart and they are still alive. This little hole is where this tiny piece called fear use to be. So here you go, the pieces of my heart. Remember if you don't want it, just let me know.

Picture This

It's been a while since I have blogged. So I wanted to try out this app and on iPhone and see how everything looks. I'm posting a picture of a fries macaroni ball. It was so delicious.

RIP Steve Jobs. I wouldn't have my iPhone or MacBook pro without him.
Have a great night.

Scars

Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going!

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures. As I was having one of my many bathroom-photoshoots last night, I took a picture of my scars. Not necessarily to see them, but to play with angles and to see how the light hit my face. Once I was reviewing the pictures on the computer, emotions hit me. My scars show me where I have been, and I thank God I’m not where I was.

Surgery after surgery to remove/make the scars less visible only remind me of where I have been. I think back to December 16, 1998, and I smile because God allowed me to make it through that day. A little beat up and a little bruised, but still here to smile. So often I want to change things about myself. I want my scars to be gone or have liposuction of the cheeks, stomach, and thighs or cut off my big toe so that I can wear a size 11 shoes instead of 12 since most stores stop at 11. Craziness, I know but it runs through my head at times. Sometimes we just want to have a HUGE pity party, and we don’t want anyone to rain on our party. You may say, “You’re pretty to me,” but I’ll say, “That’s only to you.” Anything you say, I’ll have a comeback for you.
Small things tend to hold me back, and I had to change that quickly. Am I not going to explore the USA because I might have a flat tire? Heck No. That is why you have God and Triple A. Am I not going to fly on plane, because it might crash? Heck No. That’s why my mom and dad taught me how to pray and TRUST God. Plus if I know, I know I’m going to Heaven. Am I not going to learn how to swim because I might drown? Heck No. That’s why there are lifeguards and prayer. Plus everyone told me fat floats. ☺

My scars can’t hold me back any longer. I must enjoy my life. Life is too short, and we all know it. It is up to YOU to do something about it. Don't regret your past and worry about your future. Be happy that God gave you a chance to live and enjoy the present. I know I am. My scars are beautiful! You may not like them, but that is why they are on me and not on you. I can handle them.

These pictures are from my last surgery to make my scars less visible. It was a failure!! After the stitches came off, they began to keloid. This caused me to have to get steroid injections in my face to make them go down.

Pre Surgery

Date is wrong. I want to say June of 2006

Post Surgery

(With the DREAD Figaro Lip! Can I lipo that off too JK)

Today

Still there, but beautifully made by God.

Turn Around.... Or Keep Going?

Riding to church this morning, a train passed me and I began to think. I have always called my weight loss a journey. When this train passed me, I said I want to take a train ride somewhere, anywhere. In North Louisiana, we don’t have any trains that I know of. So I have never seen a train that people board to take from one location to another. It’s normally a train that is carrying materials. So I added to my bucket list, to ride a train.

I took this train ride to another level though.

It’s a journey. It’s a journey that is often not thought of when you are in a rush. It’s SLOW! And this is what clicked in my head and my heart. Anyone who is trying to lose weight knows that it is a slow process. A process that if you continue on It, you will get to be where you want to be.

This past Month when I hit my plateau, it was one of the hardest parts of this journey that I have experienced thus far. Week after week, I worked out, watched what I ate, and the scale seemed to be stuck. I wanted to hop off this train, rent a car, and drive home.

I didn’t care how far I had come.

I didn’t care how hard I had worked.

I didn’t care how much gas I had wasted to the gym and the track.

I didn’t care about how many hours I had wasted working out.

I didn’t care how many calories I had counted.

I didn’t care about anyone who had helped me this far.

I didn’t care about anything.

I was hurt.

I was sad.

I just wanted to quit, get off the train and go home!

What kept me on this train was seeing the people that responded to my journey thus far.

It gave me hope.

It have me courage.

It gave me joy.

I have a deep passion for helping people. So I sat down on this train, going as slow as it was. I pulled out my camera, and I enjoyed the ride.

This journey is not over. I can’t tell you how much longer I will be riding on this train. All I know is that, this journey is changing my life. I’m learning about myself, I’m meeting people, I’m helping people, and I’m smiling bigger.

I can look back as much as I want, but I can’t go back now. After breaking my plateau, the tears fell down my eyes. As I think about how badly I wanted to quit, I smile even bigger knowing that I didn’t end this journey.

Looking Beyond the Scale

Day after day I step on Wii Fit hoping to see that my BMI has gone down just .2 to make my day. But what do you do when you step on the scale, just to see that the number has not moved, or has gone up .2. IT HURTS. It’s a reminder that you still have this weight on you and that it is time to work harder.

Starting my weight loss journey was not easy. We all want to lose weight fast although we gained it slowly. It seems like a basic concept, but actually it is so hard to process. I started my weight lost in August of 2010. It hasn’t been easy, nor will it get easier. For my 21^st birthday my best friend bought me Wii Fit Plus. It was something that I had been wanting for a while. I went back to my apartment, ripped it open, put it in my Wii, and turned on the board. I had heard all the hype about the new games and I was ready to play them. I stepped on the Wii board, and it said, “Your weight has exceed the maximum weight.” It then gives you the option to reboot. I think I reboot five times hoping that it was wrong. Nothing changed. So I put my balance board under my bed, I sat on the floor and cried. I think my roommate came to my door to get something; she heard me crying and told me to open the door. I couldn’t I had to get all out right then and right there.

My breakdown didn’t change anything though. I “said” that I wanted to lose weight but I didn’t do anything different but run up the stairs to my apartment. I thought that should help a whole lot since I lived on the 3^rd floor of an apartment building with no elevator. Still, nothing changed.

The summer came and I had made up in my mind that “The Time was now.” That was our young adult motto for 2010, so I applied it to my life. Summer was here, I wasn’t going to have beach ready body, but I had to start working on it. Summer school was here, and the only thing I had to do was go to a 3-hour class, do homework, and workout. Sounds easy. But it wasn’t. I work up 7 to go to the gym, by myself, and I hated it. My iPod didn’t help, talking to myself didn’t help, and looking at hot guys didn’t help. I needed a person to motivate me, but I didn’t get what I wanted. I had to push myself.

After the whole summer of working out, STILL NO CHANGE. So I’m going to the gym, working out, sweating, but the scales look EXACTLY the same as the beginning of the summer. I had started to workout, but I didn’t change my eating habits. I was always a person who was up for a diet, but I know that with a diet, I would be off of it soon.

School started, and my best friend said she going to start going to the gym with me. I didn’t believe it cause she had said it before, but it never happened. She was little and I didn’t think she needed to be the one going with me to gym. I need a big girl so we can work hard and push each other. I was wrong. She pushed me, and I pushed her. Everyday at 9 am, we were in the gym. Change started to come as I was working out harder and eating better. My final semester at NSU was a little sad because I was leaving my friends. I was so glad that I got to see my best friend everyday though, we got closer and met new people as we went to the gym everyday.

I love how people start to become friendly after they have seen your face a few time. We had hit VIP status at the gym. Everyone knew our names or our faces, so it made it fun to go. Talking to everyone and learning about people is what I love to.

Talking with a friend of mine, he told me I should do P90X. I was scared of it because I had seen too many of my friends on Twitter talking about it. He told me he didn’t want me to have surgery and I needed to get the weight off the old fashion way. So he gave me the DVDs and I tired it. It would not have made 90 days of working out if it wasn’t for my BeachBody Coach pushing me, my friends on Twitter not letting me quit, and praying that I would make it. There were days that I cried, days that I said I was going to quit, but I never did.

Day 90. Ninety days had passed. I had graduated from NSU the day before day 90. One chapter of my life was complete. Now a new chapter has to start. Fifty pounds lost, and I was feeling better. Two dresses down, and I was feeling better. None of this helped, because I still didn’t like the way I looked. I am still “fluffy,” and I still have a lot more weight to lose. I was a little smaller, but in my head, it felt like I had only lost 10 lbs. on a journey to lose 5000.

I went to get on the scale at the gym, on day, and there was a post-it note that said, “The number on scale doesn’t mean anything, you are beautiful- Operation Beautiful.” So being the Googler that I am, I went to Google Operation Beautiful and I loved it. They simply left post-it notes on mirrors or scales, to tell women they are beautiful no matter what. This was a something that I could do, and I loved. I carried a pack of post-it notes in my purse and started to leave them around. It had to take the advice that I was leaving on mirrors everywhere. I had to look at the real Brittany. I was beautiful no matter what size I was.

As ladies, we tend to worry too much about our weight. Yes, being healthy is VERY important, but it is a process that takes times. Rome wasn’t built in a day. We want to see results the first day we workout and it wont happen most of the time. It’s a lifestyle change, and it is something that we are going to have to do for the rest of our lives. So get ready to workout for life. Have fun with it and enjoy it. There are so many things you can do just to get moving. If you have not tried Zumba, try it, its fun. Look beyond the scaled and know that you are beautiful.

More than Pain... Inspiration

After a recent twitter episode, I felt that I had to come with another from my heart blog. As a fluffy girl since my younger days, I have come to be content with my size. Within the last six months, I had made up in my mind that I was going to change something that I had been wanting to do, but never did.
So, I hit the gym, found a great workout partner despite the fact that she was almost half of me. After going to the gym and seeing that I COULD actually do half of the machines in the gym, I gained the confidence that I needed to keep going. I had been going to the gym for about three months when I was talking to my friend about getting surgery. I knew the cost of getting LapBand was $30,000 plus, but I knew that if I were to get it, it would make me happy. Never did I want to think about the issues and the side effects that I could have from it. Never did I think about the fact that I may still be unhappy with myself, if I get this surgery. I just knew that I wanted to be small and I wanted to get there the easiest way possible.
While talking to one of my guy friends, he told me not to do it my way and he would be upset if I did. He said I needed to put in the hard work to see the change that I wanted to see. I didn’t want to hear this but I listened. I had heard about P90X all during the summer on Twitter. I knew in my mind I couldn’t do it because all of my physically fit friends were doing it. So I was opposed to it at first but after about two hours of talking, he said I have the DVDs I will bring them to you. No more excuses. With all of my excuse out of the door I couldn’t do anything but try. Day one, I made it. Day two, It pulled me down, Day three I made it, Day four I cried cause I was too big to make it through the whole yoga DVD. Day Five I made it and I knew that I could do it. After these five days, I said I have no excuses at all. I was still doing the gym in the morning and P90X in the evening. No one could have ever told me that Brittany Figaro would EVER do two-a-days. But I made it. Through it all I knocked 50lbs off.
With the 50 off of me, There was a light shining in me. I finally felt beautiful. I have always said there is difference between cute and beautiful. Your outfit may be cute but you are beautiful. I had always been told that I was beautiful because I had a beautiful personally, but now I felt beautiful to myself. I went from not caring how I looked at all to waking up and putting forth effort in how I looked. Behind the weight and behind the scars was a person that many people did not get to see. My doctors told me from the age of 8 that I needed to wear makeup to cover up my scars. I never wanted to wear make-up for that reason. I felt that if you loved me, you should love me the way that I am. Now that I feel beautiful, its just make-up. I have a long long long way to go, but now, I feel like I can do anything that I put my mind to.
After being called Ugly and Precious on Twitter… It hit a new nerve in me. I guess it gave me my second wind, even though it brought a lot of tears. Im not where I want to be, but I know I can get where I want to be.

13 years later...

I had to write today. Too much on my mind and too many tears in my eyes. I look back at my life and I smile. I cry. I dream. I believe. I hope. And I thank God. People always say that life is tough and I would have to agree, but there is one thing that I learned at a very young age. Church became my life because it realized that I could have been dead. Maybe even I should have been dead, but God kept me. I live my life for me. I always pray that people will see the God in me.
After talking to my father today, He kept saying that God is good. I feel that at times he thinks that it was his fault that I was in that wreak. I know that it wasn’t. I know that it was God’s doing because he knew that I could handle it.

Let me recap December 16, 1997.
It was basketball season and daddy was coaching. I was tired and didn’t want to wait on daddy to have practice and then go home. I begged daddy to let me ride the bus and he told me no. I keep asking and he said no. I asked one more time and he said fine, he was going to call my mom and I could go. I ran to bus 434 and got on. I sat in the middle next to window. We drove Gamm rd and then turned onto Reed Rd. Coming to the end of the read our bus didn’t stop it went across the street and it flipped over. I must have blacked out cause when I woke up I was laying against the floor of the bus. I never knew my face was bleeding. I remember seeing Sarah. She was younger than me and I had to make sure she got off the bus safe. Jamar tried to open the back door. I think he kicked it and broke his foot I think. We were instructed to climb out of the windshield of the bus. I remember stepping off and they laid me on the stretcher. By this time, my daddy was there. Looking over me and holding my hand. I was told that I had to be airlifted to the LSU. Sarah and I were on the same plane and I remember looking at her and it looked like her eye was out of the socket. I kept asking her if she was okay and she said yes. Once in Shreveport we landed on top LSU and I will never forget being rushed in the little red door on top of the hospital. Surgery number one took place and I was able to see my parents. At that time mom was taking classes to do taxes at H&R Block. I asked her if she was going to go to class and she told me no I would never leave you. I woke up from surgery number one and I will never forget getting a small coke and a two pop cycles. I was ready for another surgery if I was going to wake up to that again. Then they took me back for another one. Daddy said he was watching the door they told him that the surgery was suppose to take 30 minutes and it took about 2 hrs. He said he was watching the door every time a foot print came to the door. Finally they came out and said that my eye was okay. What a relief. One thing that matter to me so much was that they cut my sweatshirt off. That morning me and mama had fought about the sweatshirt that I wore that. She told me that I had to wear that UGLY shirt and I didn’t want to. Then on the way to school I realized I didn’t have my glasses. Daddy fussed at me the whole way to school. If I would have had my glasses on, then I most likely wouldn’t have my left eye right now. Needless to say, I never wore that sweatshirt ever again ☺. That day led to many more surgeries and many more tough times.

There were days that Mom would have to cover up the mirror or leave the light off so that I wouldn’t like to see my face. Going to Wal-Mart was even harder. Grown people would stare me down and children were even worst. It would try to wear my hair down so I could it would cover my face but it was still seen.

Going through the different chapters of my life that I have lived so far has left an impact on the remaining chapters of my life. Now I can say I think God for taking care of me every step of the way. At age 8 I didn’t know who was taking care of me or what was talking care of me but now I know. From the prayers of my mother, father, church members, Herndon family, and friends. I made it!

Beautiful scars and all

Life... What's Next?

So, I have come to end of the road, and the end of chapter 5 in my book if life. Im sitting here wondering whats next and how everything will play out. RIght now, I want to hit the fast forward button on life to see what my future holds, but then I know if i peep, I will want to change something. Is there a BIG money job waiting on me, is my hubby waiting on me, is my house waiting on me, is my photography going to get bigger or not, or am I going to relocate even though I don't want to. There are so many things that are running through my mind, but I am just trusting God and leaving it in his hands. He got this.

So, sitting her looking at graduate on Friday, its like wow! I made it. It be tough. There have been many tears. There have been many hours of studying. There have been many cramming sessions. There have been many papers lost, computer acting stupid, and test that I got locked out of. But through it all I made it. I went to school with intention to finish it and dont go down playing. Taking 21 hours was never in my plan but I made it. Four semesters of 21 hours and full summer, made me wonder why I was rushing through school. Now i see that it was all worth it. With my parents paying for my college, there was no time to play. I will never forget I got my first C in Psychology and Daddy holler and yelled at me for about two days that weekend. Then mom told him that, this is college. She did wonderful in school but college is another thing. College is not for everyone. Grad school is not for everything. Word of advice... if you dont like high school go get a trade and make some money doing what you like. College is too expensive to play with.

Looking back on my life now, I have to say that I am proud of where I am now. Church has me grounded. Friends have my back. Family is my support. Joy is in me. Love is my heart. God is walking with me. Life is good!

My P90X Diary

Recently, I have heard a lot of talk about this program called P90X. I heard it was HARD, INTENSE, and a LOT of Work. So I had made up in my mind, that I was going to slowing back away from the program (without starting :) and stick with my gym workout. After a friend of mine had a long conversation with me, I decided what the heck, Lets "Bring It." (One of Tony Horton's Favorite saying.)

So what exactly is P90X? According to BeachBody.com, " The P90X^® workout program is a revolutionary system of 12 sweat-inducing, muscle-pumping exercises designed to transform your body from regular to ripped in just 90 days. Your personal trainer, Tony Horton, will keep you engaged every step of the way, and you won't believe your results!"
To hear Reviews about P90X go to BeachBody.Com and read some of the testimonies.


I am currently on Day 16... And it can be a challenge to say the least. My body has been hurting, but I have seen some change come in these first 16 days, so I refuse to give up on it now. But I need some help... I need some support and I want to support you. So You keep me posted on your progress with P90X and I will keep you posted on mine.

I'm not bold enough to post my before picture YET, but its coming when I get that confidence.

If you want to post pictures, GO FOR IT!
If you have some tips, POST THEM!
If you have some recipes, POST THEM!
If you are having a hard day, TELL US! We are here to support each other.

I would love to know what equipment you are using and what day you are on also.

I am only using the Resistance bands... BUT I LOVE THEM!

Also sign up for a free coach at BeachBody.com and track your goals on their website also.

My p90x Journey

Recently, I have heard a lot of talk about this program called