Thursday, December 16, 2010

13 years later...

I had to write today. Too much on my mind and too many tears in my eyes. I look back at my life and I smile. I cry. I dream. I believe. I hope. And I thank God. People always say that life is tough and I would have to agree, but there is one thing that I learned at a very young age. Church became my life because it realized that I could have been dead. Maybe even I should have been dead, but God kept me. I live my life for me. I always pray that people will see the God in me.
After talking to my father today, He kept saying that God is good. I feel that at times he thinks that it was his fault that I was in that wreak. I know that it wasn’t. I know that it was God’s doing because he knew that I could handle it.

Let me recap December 16, 1997.
It was basketball season and daddy was coaching. I was tired and didn’t want to wait on daddy to have practice and then go home. I begged daddy to let me ride the bus and he told me no. I keep asking and he said no. I asked one more time and he said fine, he was going to call my mom and I could go. I ran to bus 434 and got on. I sat in the middle next to window. We drove Gamm rd and then turned onto Reed Rd. Coming to the end of the read our bus didn’t stop it went across the street and it flipped over. I must have blacked out cause when I woke up I was laying against the floor of the bus. I never knew my face was bleeding. I remember seeing Sarah. She was younger than me and I had to make sure she got off the bus safe. Jamar tried to open the back door. I think he kicked it and broke his foot I think. We were instructed to climb out of the windshield of the bus. I remember stepping off and they laid me on the stretcher. By this time, my daddy was there. Looking over me and holding my hand. I was told that I had to be airlifted to the LSU. Sarah and I were on the same plane and I remember looking at her and it looked like her eye was out of the socket. I kept asking her if she was okay and she said yes. Once in Shreveport we landed on top LSU and I will never forget being rushed in the little red door on top of the hospital. Surgery number one took place and I was able to see my parents. At that time mom was taking classes to do taxes at H&R Block. I asked her if she was going to go to class and she told me no I would never leave you. I woke up from surgery number one and I will never forget getting a small coke and a two pop cycles. I was ready for another surgery if I was going to wake up to that again. Then they took me back for another one. Daddy said he was watching the door they told him that the surgery was suppose to take 30 minutes and it took about 2 hrs. He said he was watching the door every time a foot print came to the door. Finally they came out and said that my eye was okay. What a relief. One thing that matter to me so much was that they cut my sweatshirt off. That morning me and mama had fought about the sweatshirt that I wore that. She told me that I had to wear that UGLY shirt and I didn’t want to. Then on the way to school I realized I didn’t have my glasses. Daddy fussed at me the whole way to school. If I would have had my glasses on, then I most likely wouldn’t have my left eye right now. Needless to say, I never wore that sweatshirt ever again ☺. That day led to many more surgeries and many more tough times.

There were days that Mom would have to cover up the mirror or leave the light off so that I wouldn’t like to see my face. Going to Wal-Mart was even harder. Grown people would stare me down and children were even worst. It would try to wear my hair down so I could it would cover my face but it was still seen.

Going through the different chapters of my life that I have lived so far has left an impact on the remaining chapters of my life. Now I can say I think God for taking care of me every step of the way. At age 8 I didn’t know who was taking care of me or what was talking care of me but now I know. From the prayers of my mother, father, church members, Herndon family, and friends. I made it!

Beautiful scars and all

Monday, December 13, 2010

Life... What's Next?

So, I have come to end of the road, and the end of chapter 5 in my book if life. Im sitting here wondering whats next and how everything will play out. RIght now, I want to hit the fast forward button on life to see what my future holds, but then I know if i peep, I will want to change something. Is there a BIG money job waiting on me, is my hubby waiting on me, is my house waiting on me, is my photography going to get bigger or not, or am I going to relocate even though I don't want to. There are so many things that are running through my mind, but I am just trusting God and leaving it in his hands. He got this.

So, sitting her looking at graduate on Friday, its like wow! I made it. It be tough. There have been many tears. There have been many hours of studying. There have been many cramming sessions. There have been many papers lost, computer acting stupid, and test that I got locked out of. But through it all I made it. I went to school with intention to finish it and dont go down playing. Taking 21 hours was never in my plan but I made it. Four semesters of 21 hours and full summer, made me wonder why I was rushing through school. Now i see that it was all worth it. With my parents paying for my college, there was no time to play. I will never forget I got my first C in Psychology and Daddy holler and yelled at me for about two days that weekend. Then mom told him that, this is college. She did wonderful in school but college is another thing. College is not for everyone. Grad school is not for everything. Word of advice... if you dont like high school go get a trade and make some money doing what you like. College is too expensive to play with.

Looking back on my life now, I have to say that I am proud of where I am now. Church has me grounded. Friends have my back. Family is my support. Joy is in me. Love is my heart. God is walking with me. Life is good!