My Heart

I gave it to some people with the expectations of them not breaking it. At least let me know if you don't want it. It's been patched a few times too many for my liking. But here is what I have left. I have a piece that will make you my number two, because God is my number one. Here is a piece to let you know that I will support you in your hopes and dreams. Here is piece to love you, to care for you, and to be there for you. Oh, I found another piece, this piece is barely hanging on. It's trust. I realize that I can't be bitter from a past hurt, nor can I blame you for that. So here is that piece. But I want you to know that this little piece has so much power. Oops, I found another piece that was connected to trust. Communication. I found out a long time ago that no communication equals no relationship. There is a little hole right here. This hole is the piece I had to let go. I heard that there are people out there who have holes in their heart and they are still alive. This little hole is where this tiny piece called fear use to be. So here you go, the pieces of my heart. Remember if you don't want it, just let me know.

Picture This

It's been a while since I have blogged. So I wanted to try out this app and on iPhone and see how everything looks. I'm posting a picture of a fries macaroni ball. It was so delicious.

RIP Steve Jobs. I wouldn't have my iPhone or MacBook pro without him.
Have a great night.

Scars

Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going!

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures. As I was having one of my many bathroom-photoshoots last night, I took a picture of my scars. Not necessarily to see them, but to play with angles and to see how the light hit my face. Once I was reviewing the pictures on the computer, emotions hit me. My scars show me where I have been, and I thank God I’m not where I was.

Surgery after surgery to remove/make the scars less visible only remind me of where I have been. I think back to December 16, 1998, and I smile because God allowed me to make it through that day. A little beat up and a little bruised, but still here to smile. So often I want to change things about myself. I want my scars to be gone or have liposuction of the cheeks, stomach, and thighs or cut off my big toe so that I can wear a size 11 shoes instead of 12 since most stores stop at 11. Craziness, I know but it runs through my head at times. Sometimes we just want to have a HUGE pity party, and we don’t want anyone to rain on our party. You may say, “You’re pretty to me,” but I’ll say, “That’s only to you.” Anything you say, I’ll have a comeback for you.
Small things tend to hold me back, and I had to change that quickly. Am I not going to explore the USA because I might have a flat tire? Heck No. That is why you have God and Triple A. Am I not going to fly on plane, because it might crash? Heck No. That’s why my mom and dad taught me how to pray and TRUST God. Plus if I know, I know I’m going to Heaven. Am I not going to learn how to swim because I might drown? Heck No. That’s why there are lifeguards and prayer. Plus everyone told me fat floats. ☺

My scars can’t hold me back any longer. I must enjoy my life. Life is too short, and we all know it. It is up to YOU to do something about it. Don't regret your past and worry about your future. Be happy that God gave you a chance to live and enjoy the present. I know I am. My scars are beautiful! You may not like them, but that is why they are on me and not on you. I can handle them.

These pictures are from my last surgery to make my scars less visible. It was a failure!! After the stitches came off, they began to keloid. This caused me to have to get steroid injections in my face to make them go down.

Pre Surgery

Date is wrong. I want to say June of 2006

Post Surgery

(With the DREAD Figaro Lip! Can I lipo that off too JK)

Today

Still there, but beautifully made by God.

Turn Around.... Or Keep Going?

Riding to church this morning, a train passed me and I began to think. I have always called my weight loss a journey. When this train passed me, I said I want to take a train ride somewhere, anywhere. In North Louisiana, we don’t have any trains that I know of. So I have never seen a train that people board to take from one location to another. It’s normally a train that is carrying materials. So I added to my bucket list, to ride a train.

I took this train ride to another level though.

It’s a journey. It’s a journey that is often not thought of when you are in a rush. It’s SLOW! And this is what clicked in my head and my heart. Anyone who is trying to lose weight knows that it is a slow process. A process that if you continue on It, you will get to be where you want to be.

This past Month when I hit my plateau, it was one of the hardest parts of this journey that I have experienced thus far. Week after week, I worked out, watched what I ate, and the scale seemed to be stuck. I wanted to hop off this train, rent a car, and drive home.

I didn’t care how far I had come.

I didn’t care how hard I had worked.

I didn’t care how much gas I had wasted to the gym and the track.

I didn’t care about how many hours I had wasted working out.

I didn’t care how many calories I had counted.

I didn’t care about anyone who had helped me this far.

I didn’t care about anything.

I was hurt.

I was sad.

I just wanted to quit, get off the train and go home!

What kept me on this train was seeing the people that responded to my journey thus far.

It gave me hope.

It have me courage.

It gave me joy.

I have a deep passion for helping people. So I sat down on this train, going as slow as it was. I pulled out my camera, and I enjoyed the ride.

This journey is not over. I can’t tell you how much longer I will be riding on this train. All I know is that, this journey is changing my life. I’m learning about myself, I’m meeting people, I’m helping people, and I’m smiling bigger.

I can look back as much as I want, but I can’t go back now. After breaking my plateau, the tears fell down my eyes. As I think about how badly I wanted to quit, I smile even bigger knowing that I didn’t end this journey.

Looking Beyond the Scale

Day after day I step on Wii Fit hoping to see that my BMI has gone down just .2 to make my day. But what do you do when you step on the scale, just to see that the number has not moved, or has gone up .2. IT HURTS. It’s a reminder that you still have this weight on you and that it is time to work harder.

Starting my weight loss journey was not easy. We all want to lose weight fast although we gained it slowly. It seems like a basic concept, but actually it is so hard to process. I started my weight lost in August of 2010. It hasn’t been easy, nor will it get easier. For my 21^st birthday my best friend bought me Wii Fit Plus. It was something that I had been wanting for a while. I went back to my apartment, ripped it open, put it in my Wii, and turned on the board. I had heard all the hype about the new games and I was ready to play them. I stepped on the Wii board, and it said, “Your weight has exceed the maximum weight.” It then gives you the option to reboot. I think I reboot five times hoping that it was wrong. Nothing changed. So I put my balance board under my bed, I sat on the floor and cried. I think my roommate came to my door to get something; she heard me crying and told me to open the door. I couldn’t I had to get all out right then and right there.

My breakdown didn’t change anything though. I “said” that I wanted to lose weight but I didn’t do anything different but run up the stairs to my apartment. I thought that should help a whole lot since I lived on the 3^rd floor of an apartment building with no elevator. Still, nothing changed.

The summer came and I had made up in my mind that “The Time was now.” That was our young adult motto for 2010, so I applied it to my life. Summer was here, I wasn’t going to have beach ready body, but I had to start working on it. Summer school was here, and the only thing I had to do was go to a 3-hour class, do homework, and workout. Sounds easy. But it wasn’t. I work up 7 to go to the gym, by myself, and I hated it. My iPod didn’t help, talking to myself didn’t help, and looking at hot guys didn’t help. I needed a person to motivate me, but I didn’t get what I wanted. I had to push myself.

After the whole summer of working out, STILL NO CHANGE. So I’m going to the gym, working out, sweating, but the scales look EXACTLY the same as the beginning of the summer. I had started to workout, but I didn’t change my eating habits. I was always a person who was up for a diet, but I know that with a diet, I would be off of it soon.

School started, and my best friend said she going to start going to the gym with me. I didn’t believe it cause she had said it before, but it never happened. She was little and I didn’t think she needed to be the one going with me to gym. I need a big girl so we can work hard and push each other. I was wrong. She pushed me, and I pushed her. Everyday at 9 am, we were in the gym. Change started to come as I was working out harder and eating better. My final semester at NSU was a little sad because I was leaving my friends. I was so glad that I got to see my best friend everyday though, we got closer and met new people as we went to the gym everyday.

I love how people start to become friendly after they have seen your face a few time. We had hit VIP status at the gym. Everyone knew our names or our faces, so it made it fun to go. Talking to everyone and learning about people is what I love to.

Talking with a friend of mine, he told me I should do P90X. I was scared of it because I had seen too many of my friends on Twitter talking about it. He told me he didn’t want me to have surgery and I needed to get the weight off the old fashion way. So he gave me the DVDs and I tired it. It would not have made 90 days of working out if it wasn’t for my BeachBody Coach pushing me, my friends on Twitter not letting me quit, and praying that I would make it. There were days that I cried, days that I said I was going to quit, but I never did.

Day 90. Ninety days had passed. I had graduated from NSU the day before day 90. One chapter of my life was complete. Now a new chapter has to start. Fifty pounds lost, and I was feeling better. Two dresses down, and I was feeling better. None of this helped, because I still didn’t like the way I looked. I am still “fluffy,” and I still have a lot more weight to lose. I was a little smaller, but in my head, it felt like I had only lost 10 lbs. on a journey to lose 5000.

I went to get on the scale at the gym, on day, and there was a post-it note that said, “The number on scale doesn’t mean anything, you are beautiful- Operation Beautiful.” So being the Googler that I am, I went to Google Operation Beautiful and I loved it. They simply left post-it notes on mirrors or scales, to tell women they are beautiful no matter what. This was a something that I could do, and I loved. I carried a pack of post-it notes in my purse and started to leave them around. It had to take the advice that I was leaving on mirrors everywhere. I had to look at the real Brittany. I was beautiful no matter what size I was.

As ladies, we tend to worry too much about our weight. Yes, being healthy is VERY important, but it is a process that takes times. Rome wasn’t built in a day. We want to see results the first day we workout and it wont happen most of the time. It’s a lifestyle change, and it is something that we are going to have to do for the rest of our lives. So get ready to workout for life. Have fun with it and enjoy it. There are so many things you can do just to get moving. If you have not tried Zumba, try it, its fun. Look beyond the scaled and know that you are beautiful.

More than Pain... Inspiration

After a recent twitter episode, I felt that I had to come with another from my heart blog. As a fluffy girl since my younger days, I have come to be content with my size. Within the last six months, I had made up in my mind that I was going to change something that I had been wanting to do, but never did.
So, I hit the gym, found a great workout partner despite the fact that she was almost half of me. After going to the gym and seeing that I COULD actually do half of the machines in the gym, I gained the confidence that I needed to keep going. I had been going to the gym for about three months when I was talking to my friend about getting surgery. I knew the cost of getting LapBand was $30,000 plus, but I knew that if I were to get it, it would make me happy. Never did I want to think about the issues and the side effects that I could have from it. Never did I think about the fact that I may still be unhappy with myself, if I get this surgery. I just knew that I wanted to be small and I wanted to get there the easiest way possible.
While talking to one of my guy friends, he told me not to do it my way and he would be upset if I did. He said I needed to put in the hard work to see the change that I wanted to see. I didn’t want to hear this but I listened. I had heard about P90X all during the summer on Twitter. I knew in my mind I couldn’t do it because all of my physically fit friends were doing it. So I was opposed to it at first but after about two hours of talking, he said I have the DVDs I will bring them to you. No more excuses. With all of my excuse out of the door I couldn’t do anything but try. Day one, I made it. Day two, It pulled me down, Day three I made it, Day four I cried cause I was too big to make it through the whole yoga DVD. Day Five I made it and I knew that I could do it. After these five days, I said I have no excuses at all. I was still doing the gym in the morning and P90X in the evening. No one could have ever told me that Brittany Figaro would EVER do two-a-days. But I made it. Through it all I knocked 50lbs off.
With the 50 off of me, There was a light shining in me. I finally felt beautiful. I have always said there is difference between cute and beautiful. Your outfit may be cute but you are beautiful. I had always been told that I was beautiful because I had a beautiful personally, but now I felt beautiful to myself. I went from not caring how I looked at all to waking up and putting forth effort in how I looked. Behind the weight and behind the scars was a person that many people did not get to see. My doctors told me from the age of 8 that I needed to wear makeup to cover up my scars. I never wanted to wear make-up for that reason. I felt that if you loved me, you should love me the way that I am. Now that I feel beautiful, its just make-up. I have a long long long way to go, but now, I feel like I can do anything that I put my mind to.
After being called Ugly and Precious on Twitter… It hit a new nerve in me. I guess it gave me my second wind, even though it brought a lot of tears. Im not where I want to be, but I know I can get where I want to be.