Sunday, January 16, 2011

More than Pain... Inspiration

After a recent twitter episode, I felt that I had to come with another from my heart blog. As a fluffy girl since my younger days, I have come to be content with my size. Within the last six months, I had made up in my mind that I was going to change something that I had been wanting to do, but never did.
So, I hit the gym, found a great workout partner despite the fact that she was almost half of me. After going to the gym and seeing that I COULD actually do half of the machines in the gym, I gained the confidence that I needed to keep going. I had been going to the gym for about three months when I was talking to my friend about getting surgery. I knew the cost of getting LapBand was $30,000 plus, but I knew that if I were to get it, it would make me happy. Never did I want to think about the issues and the side effects that I could have from it. Never did I think about the fact that I may still be unhappy with myself, if I get this surgery. I just knew that I wanted to be small and I wanted to get there the easiest way possible.
While talking to one of my guy friends, he told me not to do it my way and he would be upset if I did. He said I needed to put in the hard work to see the change that I wanted to see. I didn’t want to hear this but I listened. I had heard about P90X all during the summer on Twitter. I knew in my mind I couldn’t do it because all of my physically fit friends were doing it. So I was opposed to it at first but after about two hours of talking, he said I have the DVDs I will bring them to you. No more excuses. With all of my excuse out of the door I couldn’t do anything but try. Day one, I made it. Day two, It pulled me down, Day three I made it, Day four I cried cause I was too big to make it through the whole yoga DVD. Day Five I made it and I knew that I could do it. After these five days, I said I have no excuses at all. I was still doing the gym in the morning and P90X in the evening. No one could have ever told me that Brittany Figaro would EVER do two-a-days. But I made it. Through it all I knocked 50lbs off.
With the 50 off of me, There was a light shining in me. I finally felt beautiful. I have always said there is difference between cute and beautiful. Your outfit may be cute but you are beautiful. I had always been told that I was beautiful because I had a beautiful personally, but now I felt beautiful to myself. I went from not caring how I looked at all to waking up and putting forth effort in how I looked. Behind the weight and behind the scars was a person that many people did not get to see. My doctors told me from the age of 8 that I needed to wear makeup to cover up my scars. I never wanted to wear make-up for that reason. I felt that if you loved me, you should love me the way that I am. Now that I feel beautiful, its just make-up. I have a long long long way to go, but now, I feel like I can do anything that I put my mind to.
After being called Ugly and Precious on Twitter… It hit a new nerve in me. I guess it gave me my second wind, even though it brought a lot of tears. Im not where I want to be, but I know I can get where I want to be.

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